How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
