if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
