apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize