So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
There's even glitter on my cock...
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