how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
