She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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