You're earring is so big in my mouth
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
