Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
