he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
