when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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