There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
