I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
