2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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