I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
