If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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