Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
