I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
