i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
