weddingsv make me drug and hornr
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I need mimosas to revive my soul
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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