I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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