Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
