im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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