remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
