I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
