Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
porn star boner night. come get it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
