I faked an abortion last night.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
