i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
