i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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