Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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