I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
