i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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