First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
