Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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