she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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