in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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