I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
