seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I've blown a few things in my day
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
