He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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