My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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