When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
