I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
