just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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