I like to think it a success when the cops are called
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
