I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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