Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
high people should be assigned attendants
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
