so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
