these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
the condom got lost in my hair
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
