You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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