So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
