No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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