So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
