It's like God shit irony all over that family
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize