Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I looked at my own cervix.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
