standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
