Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just blew my weed a kiss
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
