He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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