Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
