He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Can vaginas get frostbite?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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