We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
