Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
