I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
