I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
