so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My pussy is not your playground.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
