You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
