Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
