i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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