This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
