I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
