you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
