True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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