He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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