We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
