Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
