so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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