Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
